Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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