i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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