the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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