i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
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