So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
