Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
