Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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