I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just gift wrapped bread.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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