Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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