I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
