ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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