I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
