i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize