I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
