Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
