you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize