'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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