Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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