She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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