Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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