Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
