Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
