The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
