I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
do herpes really smell.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I still have a little drunk in my system
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
