life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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