I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
