Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
