3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I pour the whiskey from now on
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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