I want to stick my p in your. b.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize