never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize