Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
