Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
