My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
