Say something about gay babies.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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