Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
