laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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