the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
