You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
