I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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