There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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