Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
