I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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