I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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