So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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