I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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