My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
