i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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