They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
