whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Randomize
