things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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