The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
