i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
