I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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