no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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