i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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