I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
