woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
