No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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