that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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