Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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