i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
