dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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