I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
