dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
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