If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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