Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
