Duck Duck Cougar?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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