evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
