i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
