I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
