Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
