Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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