you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Green mimosas i think yes
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
