I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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