Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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