I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
