At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
