my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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