Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just puked most of my soul out..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
