There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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