flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
