Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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