Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
