Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
