Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
