Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish you could order shots online.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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