So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
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