yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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