Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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