I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
