God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
