well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
