Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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