ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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