These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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