I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
