Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
