Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
