so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
